Sweet, sweet...sixteen

This Saturday is our baby's sweet 16th birthday and we'll be celebrating with a day of shopping and adventure in Chicago with her friends. Chloe's been anticipating this milestone for some time, and I must agree...that number 16 is quite magical. It's being half-way through high school, getting a driver's license and maybe a real job. It's one step closer to being a grown-up. Yes, there's something magical about the number 16. For Tom and I, the number 16 has always held a little extra "special-ness." You see, Chloe is not the only one in our home with a Sweet 16 this week. Every year, on April 16, Tom and I mark another year of marriage. This is our 27th Sweet 16! If you count the one we were married on (April 16, 1988), and the one we got engaged on (July 16, 1987), and the one our first date was on (December 16, 1986), I guess we've had 30 Sweet 16s!

In case you haven't noticed, we're both numbers people. He, a math major. Me, a musical math brain. When we realized that we could get married exactly 16 months after our first date, ON the 16th of the month (a Saturday no less), we just had to go for it! And there was a nice ring (no pun intended) to 4/16/88...all those multiples of four!

You may wonder how all these magical numbers worked out for us. Well...divide that 16 by 4 (the month in which we got married) and you get the number of beautiful children we now call our own (all of whom, I might add, love math). But I digress.

Twenty-seven years...that's a long time. We never really imagined it back in those wedding planning days. As we watch our Seth and his Maddie plan their big day in June, it often reminds me of how we felt back then. Excited and elated. So in love. Letting the rest of the world sail by around us in our happy little place. We knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives. But we didn't really realize what that meant.

We didn't realize that marriage is a commitment you make over and over again. When things don't go your way, you commit to give up a little of yourself. When your partner can't be molded into your expectations, you commit to loving the partner you married. When your better half is sick, you commit to show compassion. When your spouse is drained and exhausted (and so are you), you commit to finding one more ounce of energy to help get you both through the day.

Some might find this commitment daunting, or drudgery, or just too demanding. All these "D" words might be why so many marriages today end in that other dreaded "D" word. I don't mean to simplify the secret to a successful marriage, as I know when dealing with broken, sinful creatures, nothing is ever simple. But I've tasted the sweet, beautiful side of 'til-death-do-us-part commitment. Putting the the needs of my marriage before my own needs turns out to be more fulfilling than just "looking out for number one." But how does this happen? How does one live out commitment on a day-to-day basis?

Practice. Practice. Practice. Just like I tell my speech kids who can't get their /r/ sound right. If they use their old habits, their mouths will do what they've always done, and say a /w/ sound. But if they practice the new sound for a few minutes every day...pretty soon it becomes their new habit.

In a committed marriage, we often need to put away our old habits. Whether it is spending too much money when we shop, or spending too little time with our kids, or paying too little attention to our spouse, or paying too much attention to things we shouldn't...whatever our habit, we need to put it on the shelf, and replace it with something new. Replacing the old habits with new ones...like making joint decisions, sharing our weaknesses, giving our time, and forgiving each other...we transform ourselves and our marriages. And just like my "/r/ kids," we'll find that the new ways become easier and easier over time, allowing us to grow closer and more in love as the years go by. As one of our favorite movie quotes goes: "Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togeveh...today." (Clergyman from The Princess Bride.)

Marriage does bring us together. But what keeps us together is commitment. It's hard work. And it takes practice. Lots of practice. But the payoffs are sweet. Oh so sweet.