Safe@Home: Caring for the Elderly

This month my writing has focused on “Family.” First, I wrote to encourage parents of young children during this time of social distancing. Then, in my monthly newsletter “Just Wingin’ It,” I shared family recipes and other “family” nuggets. (If you’d like to receive my newsletter, be sure to sign up for my email list!). Last week, I wrote about grandparents, and my own “grand” new adventure. This week, I conclude the family theme with a focus on our elderly parents.

For most of our lives we think of family as a top-down arrangement. Parents and grandparents care for children. Grandparents advise parents. Older siblings watch out for younger ones.

But at some point along the way, this structure shifts and what feels like the natural order of things flips upside down. As our parents age, we begin to care for them. 

My parents still live in their home, and my siblings and I would like them to remain there as long as possible. And so, a few years ago, when Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, we stepped in to make sure their home was a comfortable and safe place, despite their ages.

Keeping our elderly parents safe at home is often challenging. Add to that the complications of a global pandemic and the task can be daunting. While restrictions have begun to loosen, the lessons learned over the past 8-10 weeks are applicable anytime, pandemic or no pandemic.

We asked many questions as we transitioned to caring for Mom and Dad. What follows is my summary of some answers we’ve found and the changes we’ve made to keep them “safe@home.”

“What did you have for lunch?”

Getting out for groceries can be difficult for the elderly who may no longer have driving privileges or who may have mobility issues. During the pandemic, there is the added challenge of avoiding exposure to a deadly virus. In our situation, my Dad kept a list throughout the week and my sister-in-law, who lives close by, volunteered to get their groceries on a weekly basis. If there’s no relative nearby, finding a neighbor or friend to help might be the answer. Grocery delivery services are also available in some areas. 

Even with a pantry full of food, the elderly are often limited in their ability to prepare three balanced meals a day. My parents’ church provides meals, which has helped ensure proper nutrition. Other community organizations, like Meals on Wheels, might be available too. Those meals, along with a ready supply of protein drinks and healthy snacks provide the nourishment our loved ones might not get if left to their own devices.

“Did you take your pills?”

When Mom’s Alzheimer’s set in, one of the first skills to go, besides her short term memory, was her ability to organize. We worried about her medications, and the likelihood she would take either too many or not enough pills. 

We purchased a monthly “Med-minder,” and with a little coaxing Mom allowed me to begin filling it for her, once a month. It has an alarm that reminds Dad to give her her meds at approximately the same time every day. During our quarantine days, my sister-in-law (again, to the rescue!) who already had some contact with them, was able to refill the med-minder in my place. 

Pharmacies and online companies also offer “pill packs” that deliver pouches of pills marked with the date and time they should be taken. Whatever system is used, it’s important to monitor it closely to ensure it’s safe and effective. 

“Do you need some help?”

For my parents, it became evident along the way that assisting Mom, cooking the meals, and keeping house was becoming difficult for Dad. We helped out whenever we could, but since some of us live two hours away and others have full time jobs or families, we weren’t always able to be there.

After much research, frank conversations with my parents, and interviews with home health agencies, we found a caregiver to come into the home three times a week. While my sisters and I spent many days sorting through “all manner of things” that had accumulated during the first years of Mom’s decline, our home health care providers focused on household chores like laundry and light cleaning. 

During recent COVID-19 days, we opted to reduce the home care services to twice weekly, simply to reduce possible exposure to the virus. We also confirmed that the agency had strict policies in place to protect their clients and caregivers from contracting or spreading the disease. In addition, we made sure my parents had hand soap, hand sanitizer, antibacterial wipes, and face masks; and helpers kept a safe 6’ distance whenever possible.

“Can you see me now?”

Since we weren’t able to visit in person during the pandemic, my sisters and I set up a schedule so that at least one (sometimes two) of us would call and check in on my parents every day. And even though my parents struggle with and can be resistant to new technology, we set them up with a new video calling device. There are several available–Facebook Portal, Google Nest Hub (w/Duo), and Amazon Echo Show–to name a few. We opted for the Portal, as it seemed to be the easiest to use, and my mother-in-law had had great success with it. 

After helping with initial tech and setup issues, the device was simple enough that even Mom could answer it when we called. Being able to video call our parents has been such a blessing! Mom, who struggles with hearing loss on top of dementia, is able to tune in when she sees her family members on the screen. She is more engaged in the conversation and the visual cues aid her memory; both of which are important in the treatment of Alzheimer’s.

“What if you get really sick?”

The skyrocketing death toll of COVID-19, along with high mortality rates among the elderly has made us all aware of the real possibility of losing our loved ones during this crisis. This time was right for discussions not only with our parents, but also with our spouses about advanced healthcare directives and wishes, should any of us become gravely ill. 

We’ve all been shocked and saddened to see families unable to be at their loved ones’ bedsides during critical illness and end of life. It’s been a good reminder to us of the importance of conveying our love to them, in whatever way is most comfortable, not only during this pandemic, but everyday.

(Note: All photos in this post show my parents “safe, away from home,” on our Minnesota vacation, last summer.)

Thankfully, my parents have been kept safe from COVID so far. Although we’ve been able to increase our visits to short, socially-distanced ones, we will continue to practice many of the new habits this pandemic has started for us. 

We’re all working together to keep Mom and Dad safe, at home.

Have you had to adapt the care for your parents during COVID-19? What challenges were greatest for you? What solutions did you find? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!