My College-Mom Days are Numbered: A New Chapter Beckons
My friend Deb read 103 books in 2020. I was beyond impressed.
I read twelve. There are many reasons my number was in the 10’s and not in the 100’s. But the excuse I most often give is “I’m a slow reader.”
I wish I could zip through books like some of my friends. But alas, my way with words is a sauntering way.
Despite my snail’s pace, I have found one thing that pushes me on in my reading. It’s what writers and avid readers know as “the hook.” I can be drudging my way through a chapter, just about to drift off to sleep. Then, I come upon that last sentence. If the author closes with a great hook, I just have to turn the page. I can’t wait to see what happens next.
Turning pages
The stages of our lives are much the same. As kids, we can’t wait to reach our next milestone. We graduate from kindergarten, then grade school, middle school, and finally high school. Each new chapter promises to bring more excitement to the plot than the last.
Some stages are so good we don’t want them to end. That’s how I felt after four years of college. I proceeded to grad school for two more years, stretching out the fun and frenzy of my college days. But after six years, I’d had enough. I had my fill of book learning and since I had also found my soulmate, I was ready to turn the page. On to the next chapter with great anticipation.
We were married by the following year and entered the “kidless couple” stage of our lives. It was one of the shortest chapters in our marriage, lasting only three years. The next part of our story, that of raising a family, has been the longest. From the time our first child was born until our fourth child flew the nest was 26 years. At that point, our kids’ stories became more thrilling than our own and we became engrossed in these new narratives.
The beginning of the end?
I can still picture the day we sent our first child off to college. It was over twelve years ago now. He was so pumped. And jittery. We were the same. He had so much ahead of him and was ready to take on the world.
But where did that leave me? I had spent eighteen years caring for, teaching, and raising this child. I was his advisor and biggest cheerleader. And then, as fast as you can say “meet me at the dining hall” it was all over. He was off and gone. I didn’t want the chapter of “My Boy at Home” to end. I mourned the end of this part of my story. For nearly two weeks, at some moment during my day, I had to shut myself in the bathroom to cry.
It felt like the beginning of the end. The end of a long, but lovely story with plot twists and villains, victories and defeats. The story of my being a mom. I tried to tell myself this was the happy ending I had hoped for. So why didn’t I feel happy?
With apprehension, I turned the page and continued the chronicle in which my children, one by one, left home. Each time, my husband and I one step closer to being alone.
The plot twist
Despite my reluctance to stay with this story, I was surprised (and relieved) to discover a major plot twist. Who would have expected the story to get better? Oh, there were still melancholy moments when tears would flow. But being empty nesters brought freedom we hadn’t experienced since that first short chapter of our marriage. And our relationships with our young adult children emerged and blossomed as we now related to them on a whole new level.
“Their time in college was never the end of the road. It was only the end of their beginning.”
Our story continues. We recently sent our baby off to college again. Our final child. Her final year. Her final semester. In fact, we will have our final two college graduates this spring. I assumed the finality of it all would hit me hard. Can I really face the end of this lively and stimulating chapter? Having kids in college gave us a new set of experiences: meeting roommates (and their parents) from all over the country, parents’ weekends, football games, and concerts. It’s all coming to an end.
I’ll no longer be a “college mom.” Just like I am no longer a preschool mom, a soccer mom, a band mom, or a high school senior mom. Those chapters of my life were great while they lasted. But at some point, I had to turn the page. And now it’s time to turn the page again.
How do we face the losses and sadness as we and our kids grow older? Perhaps by looking ahead instead of to the past, we will see the possibilities to come.
Watching our kids move on to the next chapter of their lives brings part of our story to a close. But if we didn’t want them to move on, why would we have started this process in the first place? This is why we filled out FAFSA forms, floated them loans, moved them in and out of their dorms umpteen times, and replied to their stressed-out text messages.
Their time in college was never the end of the road. It was only the end of their beginning. Now begins an exciting new phase of their own journeys.
Our tale of two people has grown into a saga of six. And then seven. And now eight, including the new little character who’s just opened his own book. We’re nearing the end of another chapter and there’s a big hook waiting.
I can’t wait to see what happens next. But I’m not rushing to turn the page.
Taking it slow, finding the thread
Instead, I’ll live these days much as I read. I’ll saunter through, taking in every word, every passage of dialogue, every period, question mark, and exclamation point. I’ll let the meaning sink in and relish in it. And even when my eyes well up with tears, I’ll find a thread of joy running through the story.
Have you ever considered your life a story?
What chapter are you in right now?
Have you just started this chapter or will it be ending soon?
Can you find a thread of joy in your story despite the pain and sadness that might crop up from time to time?
I hope you’ll take your time, look for the hooks to bring you from one chapter to the next, and never lose sight of your own happy endings!