Parents Under Pressure: 4 Ways You Can VENT
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It happened in an instant. Or so it seemed. One day we were cruising along–taking kids to school, going to work, attending sports events and high school musicals, planning graduation parties and vacations, shopping, and eating out.
The next day, we weren’t.
At first, there was an enormous sense of shock, disappointment, and loss, not to mention a major change in routines and schedules. Stay-at-home orders tempted us to wear pajamas until noon. Sometimes longer. But that feeling didn’t last. We soon realized this was not an extended snow day.
Pressure began to build. And it really hasn’t let up.
While I’m learning to adapt, my heart goes out to parents with children at home. They’re feeling pressure from all sides. Working parents are now work-from-home parents. Or, working parents whose kids have no place to go. Or, unemployed parents with financial worries. In addition, they’ve become homeschooling parents. And with more people at home, their household management duties have expanded to another nearly full-time job. As if the pressure of a global pandemic is not enough, parents are loaded down with extra work and responsibility.
It reminds me of the old pressure cookers our mothers and grandmothers used. My mom used hers for canning. I remember the big heavy steel pan with the little button on top that would let the steam out when she neared the end of the process.
Today, we call them Instant Pots. I’ve used mine mostly for meat and soup. But you can also cook rice, eggs, and more in an “instant.” Well, not quite an instant, but with heat and pressure, the contents come out tasty and tender in a fraction of the normal cooking time.
While they were, and still are, all the rage, pressure cookers and instant pots can be dangerous when not used correctly. If the pressure builds without proper venting, the pots can explode or blast the lid off resulting in serious injury.
Not only is venting important to the process of pressure cooking, but it’s also good for our own personal well-being during times of crisis, as pressures bear down all around.
We all know how to “let off steam” in the usual ways. Whining to a friend or confidant makes us feel better. Sometimes we need a good cry. In my house, when the pressure builds, so do the voice levels. We all need to vent now and then.
But beyond traditional venting, there are other practices that can ease pressure. Parents, as demands crush you from all sides, I suggest these four habits to help you V.E.N.T.
Value what you do have.
During a crisis, it’s easy to focus on what we’ve lost. Canceled events and missed time with our loved ones bring on sadness. We’ve had to give up luxuries we had taken for granted before the pandemic. But focusing on our losses can cloud our view of what remains, and blessings that actually may have increased.
Treasure this opportunity to build stronger relationships with those around you. When your spouse, friends, or even the kids pitch in to help; show appreciation, and let them know you value them. A whispered “thank you, Lord” for the arrival of warm weather, a Zoom chat with friends we miss, or a quiet cup of coffee in the morning before everyone gets up, makes us grateful for what we do have and gives us a mindset of abundance, rather than scarcity.
“Don’t be a victim of the urgent. In the long run, much of what seems so pressing right now won’t even matter. What you do with your children will matter forever.”
Expect Less.
There is a tendency to add pressure to our lives by setting our expectations too high. And while high expectations are excellent motivators during “normal” times, it’s wise to lower those expectations during stressful times.
Face it. Your children will not be learning as much in “Zoom-school” as they did in “Room-school.” You may not be as productive at work. And your house will probably be a disaster. Some days might end up being all-day pajama days. And it’s all okay. You will be okay. Your kids will be okay too.
Never Compare.
Have you seen those over-achievers on social media? You know the ones I’m talking about. The family that harmonizes perfectly to the cleverly rewritten lyrics from Les Mis. Chalk-art on driveways rivaling brilliant works of art. The mom who learns (and teaches her kids) a foreign language. The dad who adds a porch to the back of the house.
Remember, we are each in a unique situation. Some people have more time now than they did before. Some have less. No one expects you to do all the things. If seeing your friend’s fresh-baked bread makes you feel “less than,” it might be time to take a break from social media and have a much-needed reality check.
Take care of yourself.
You know this is important, and you’ve heard it before. But you’re saying, “how am I supposed to find time for me right now? I don’t even have time to shower and get dressed!”
True. But there are simple ways to take care of yourself. Playing music while you’re working or cleaning is a simple way to lift your mood. Getting enough sleep, limiting alcohol, and taking a few minutes for exercise or brief walks can all contribute to a better outlook. Reading a psalm at the start of your day can put your heart in the right place for the challenges you might face. And praying throughout the day reminds you Who is in control when the pressure of a pandemic persists.
“Courage is grace under pressure.”
If you’re feeling the pressure, remember your mother’s pressure cooker. It allowed a jarful of green beans or peaches to last much longer than normal. And the instant pot? I love how mine adds tenderness and flavor to whatever it’s cooking. All that pressure, in the end, brings about some amazing results.
During this time of crisis, you too might cook up some new qualities and skills in yourself. Like patience and tenderness; time-management and ingenuity. And when this pandemic is over, the lessons learned and relationships strengthened will hopefully last a lifetime.
That is, if you can withstand the pressure. If you don’t explode and blow your top.
If you remember...to VENT.
