An absence of "an absence of fear" in the face of COVID-19
Today, the 26th of March, was the day we would have boarded a plane for our dream vacation to Ireland and Scotland.
Obviously, that is not happening.
Just three weeks ago, our youngest daughter was studying abroad in Ireland and my husband and I were planning a grand trip to visit her. It would be our first trip to Europe in fifteen years and our first-ever adventure to the Emerald Isle. As I browsed Rick Steves and TripAdvisor, I busily mapped out our itinerary and made hotel and Airbnb reservations.
Then came the rumblings of a pandemic.
On Wednesday, March 4th, while texting with our oldest son, the topic of the Coronavirus came up. I don’t want to imply he’s some kind of prophet (he just reads a lot), but here’s how the conversation went:
J: I’ve been thinking a lot about you and the Coronavirus. Can you please be extra careful not to get sick?
Me: Oh, don’t worry about us. We’re paying attention to the warnings and right now there are only a few cases in Ireland and Scotland.
J: Well, it’s showing all signs of a global pandemic, which means that everyone in the world would be exposed to it at some point (unless you shut yourself in a room for a few months). So I am a little worried. If it continues, this kind of thing is unprecedented in our lifetimes so there’s no way to know what it will look like and how it will affect people.
Me: Yeah, it’s getting a bit crazier every day. And I’m getting a bit more depressed every day. I have been so looking forward to our trip. I will be beyond bummed if we can’t go...I was thinking of writing a blog post with the title: An abundance of caution, an absence of fear. Which is what I’m trying to live right now.
And it’s true. That was my mantra. I figured if we took all precautions, wiped down the airplane seats with wet wipes, carried hand sanitizer in our bag, and avoided people that were coughing, we had nothing to be afraid of.
Unless I was told we couldn’t travel, I wasn’t going to let fear keep me home.
That mindset lasted about a week. By the following Thursday night, there was no more “absence of fear.”
I lay in bed with a tightening chest as I tried to plan out my Friday at work. Michigan’s governor had just ordered our schools to close for three weeks. Anxious, I mentally prepared what I would give my 45 or so speech therapy students to practice at home over this unexpected break.
I was fearful over what the president’s new European travel ban might mean for our trip and afraid we might have to delay it for a couple of weeks.
Twenty-four hours later I was nervous that my daughter’s study abroad experience could be in jeopardy.
Twenty-four hours after that, I was frightened she wouldn’t be able to get home safely. With travel restrictions changing daily, soaring flight prices, and crowded virus-filled airports, all concerns about our trip and her study-abroad were put aside. I just wanted her home as fears of her being trapped indefinitely in Europe and possibly getting COVID-19 while so far away from home, filled my mind.
Three days later, as our daughter boarded her plane, I breathed a sigh of relief. When she landed in Chicago, my fear was replaced with a mixture of sadness and joy. Sadness for her and the loss she experienced. Joy in knowing she was safe and we’d soon be reunited.
There will be no trip to Ireland in the foreseeable future. I have spent the past week canceling all of the reservations I just made. My daughter will be quarantined for one more week in the home of her Dublin roommate, an hour’s drive away from us.
One of my biggest fears, that of canceling our trip, has been overshadowed with the fears of this pandemic. I’m no longer concerned about our minor loss. Trips can be rebooked.
Instead, like many others, I’m afraid to go to the grocery store. Afraid I’ll contract the virus. Afraid for those already sick and dying. For our elderly parents. For healthcare workers. The shortage of PPE. The economy. Those that have lost their jobs. The poor and hungry.
I’m still trying to figure out how to live with all this fear and what feels like impending doom. I’d like to get back to my mantra: “an abundance of caution, an absence of fear.” But how do I do that? How do we all, in this state of perpetual pandemic, manage to keep our fear at bay?
A quick Google search of “scripture for overcoming fear” delivered verse upon verse to my computer screen. I suggest we start there. In addition to these verses that remind us of the truth, I give you a few lessons I learned as I saw our plans crumble over the past three weeks.
My biggest fears of two weeks ago, though realized, were bearable. They resulted in some sadness and tears, but also in pure joy and laughter.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28.
While living out those biggest fears, I was comforted and held up through the thoughts, prayers and kind words of others. Friends, family and fellow church members stood alongside us as we watched our plans crumble and made new plans for my daughter’s safe return. They also rejoiced with us upon her arrival.
The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part...If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance. 1 Cor. 12:25a, 26 (MSG)
Being bombarded with news of worldwide sickness and death is scary, and living with uncertainty is uncomfortable and unsettling. Still, our hope is certain. We can be comforted to know that in life and in death, we belong to our faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
My sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand. John 10:28
True peace and overcoming our fears come only from knowing God. He has assured us that He’s “got this” and we don’t need to be afraid.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
I don’t expect there to be “an absence of fear” for some time. But when those fears arise, we have promises we can depend on, others who will walk with us, and a hope that brings comfort and peace.
Even during a pandemic.